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Post by TRINITY on Jun 20, 2006 22:35:29 GMT 10
" Um, mister God...sir....you know how in Genesis...with the whole creation thing?....well were you just having a really bad week....or were ya just practising?" "And, you know how the end of the book goes..........in Revelations? Well....don't you think it was a bit mean to use horses in that part ?" "And......do I personally have to worry about all that brimstone stuff ?, cos that doesn't sound like much fun for me". BIBLE whizzkid, Trinity
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Post by drredpill on Jun 21, 2006 2:31:54 GMT 10
Rememvber what happend to me......?
WOW, I finally woke up. You see my brains got all scrambled up thanks to our beautiful Webmaster Trinity, and I fell into a coma. When I was in my coma, I met god and he took me back to the beginning (genesis).
"WHERE FOR ART THOU DRREDPILL?"
"Um, I'm right here mister God sir." I said timidly
"WHEREIN DIDITH THAT FIG LEAF COME FROM"
"EEK er um it was um Trinity's fault."She ate an apple from that tree over there, and saw we were all naked and um stuff, and..."
"DID I NOT COMMAND THEE NOT TO EAT FROM THE TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GARDEN"
"Well, that common brown snake told her to, um, mister God sir and Steve Erwin said that those things are poisonous. And I'm afraid of Trinity because I figured out that she is actually a space alien..."
"SPACE ALIEN?"
"Yeah, see she is much to pretty to come from here, so she must come from planet pretty!!! I figured it all out, all by myself!!! She has a UFO!!!"
"UG, DRREDPILL, WE HAVE TO TALK."
God and I had a long talk and he explained what he did with my rib. He also explained that you where the ONLY woman on Earth.
God explained that you need a hacksaw and a roll of duct tape.
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Post by TRINITY on Jun 21, 2006 13:28:17 GMT 10
ROFL Red.....I always liked that one
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Post by drredpill on Jun 26, 2006 17:41:01 GMT 10
It started out with me browsing the internet looking at the personal ads when all of the sudden a booming voice came to me out of heaven and spoke with authority…
DrRedPill!!!
“uh, y,yes.” I said.
‘” G,G , Go, GOD?” I gasped with astonishment
…WHAT ARE YOU DOING? “Err, Um, I was just L…looking at the pretty girls, um…. Mr God Sir.”
“THAT MESSAGE, WHAT DID IT SAY?”
“I was just…um… being facetious? I asked the pretty art student what she wanted to name the baby”
“DID YOU NOT TELL TRINITY YOU LOVE HER AND WOULD NEVER LET HER GO”
“Y Yes ?” “But she hates me, because I live too far away…and I always trip her editing software…and…” {there was much weeping, and gnashing of teeth}
“IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO JUGE HER. DrRedPill!” God said to me with a clap of thunder.
“But I want her.” I said with bravery. “I DO Love her”
“ I DO, I DO, I DO....”
and I felll asleep repeating myself..............Know Thyself...........Red.
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Post by TRINITY on Jun 27, 2006 21:55:28 GMT 10
I love it...it's very sweet Red
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Post by drredpill on Jun 29, 2006 0:47:40 GMT 10
...When I awoke I found myself in the presence of John the beloved disciple,
“Yikes- a space alien!!”
“fear not my son, it is I”
“who the heck are You??”
“Jesus”
“what happened to your hair??”
“I have no need for earthly adornments… Child, I got rid of my hair on the mount of transmutation”
“oh yeah, okay…is that why your on fire?”
“My light shineith across the whole world DrRedPill.”
“oh, okay. Trinity wanted me to ask why you where mean to those horsy’s, you know…the ones in Revelation.”’
“They are mere metaphor”
“you mean like for Bush and Prince Charlie…”
“No. those two people are metaphor‘s for the horses so that they have a place to defecate”
“Wow, I can’t wait to wake up so I can tell Trinity. I need to make her love me again!!! I live too far away for her, and I always trip her bad word filter”
This is the operator, Please deposit fifty shekels.
“aw man…Hey Jesus, you got fifty shekels I can borrow, and what the heck is a shekel anyway?”
“salutations my son, salutations”
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Cosmic Soul
Sophomore
OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE.....THE WORLD THAT WAITS FOR THEE
Posts: 110
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Post by Cosmic Soul on Jun 30, 2006 10:29:48 GMT 10
ROFLMAO....you mean hair is an adornment ? hahahaha “I have no need for earthly adornments… Child, I got rid of my hair on the mount of transmutation” The horses were metaphors....hmmm, what about that thing with seven heads....I imagine it would be reasonably ugly.........why is everything seven, seven this seven that....you know how many times seven is used in that bookk of books.....it's unbelievalable lol
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Post by drredpill on Jul 1, 2006 23:50:37 GMT 10
I fasted for days, I wept much.
“Child what is wrong with you NOW.”
“Trinity won’t give me big wet kisses anymore. She hates me now. I know because she just sends me the boger picker smiley now.” [weep weeeeeeeeeeeep!!!]
[sniffel]
“who the heck are you?” I said wiping my tears.
“I am Gabriel. I was sent by Jesus to…”
“yeah, I know he wants his fifty shekels back”
“No, child. He wants me to give you comfort. And help you.”
“You mean your gonna help me get Trinity back!!!!”
“Yes. We will give you a make over in heaven. Now wipe your nose.”
“I’ll be here with you to help you get your sloppy wet kisses back”
“Yeay!!!!!”
“Watch out for that stumbling block DrRedPill. You almost stepped into the bottomless sewer drain to Hel….”
I started doing a dance and singing a song. Snapping my fingers and shaking my butt.
“I’m getting sloppy wet kisses back, I’m getting sloppy wet kisses back, I’m getting… yikesssssssssss!!!!”
“DrRedPill? DrRedPill? DrRedPill!!!!”
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Post by TRINITY on Jul 3, 2006 0:54:36 GMT 10
Yuppers Red here ya go You have alot of connections " up there", getting all chummy with Gabriel now? lol.
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Post by drredpill on Jul 6, 2006 1:01:15 GMT 10
In an instant it ended; with a thud and a splat!! Now –Who the heck are you? I said holding my head in place with both hands.
An evil sounding, hissing, snarl came to me ”Drredpill, it is I. sssssssssssssatan.” Panicked I hit my head repeatedly with my palm, in an attempt to even out my brain crumbs hoping for a better connection.
“Get behind me Satan!!!”
“That ooold trick woonnn’t woooork on meeeee thisssss time drredpill.”
“Hey, Your not Satan! Trinity said Satan has seven heads and is all weird lookin and stuff. And what are you doing with that baseball bat?”
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Post by drredpill on Jul 8, 2006 1:08:56 GMT 10
DrRedPill!!!! I thought I lost you. Come with me, the big guy wants to see you right now!!. Okay, but where is Trinity? That snake guy was gonna' make a deal with me!!! He said all sorts of stuff could be mine if I just bow to him.
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